Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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