Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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