You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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