my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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