Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
