idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
