Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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