i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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