M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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