R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
