I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
grandma shit on top of the toilet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
