I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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