Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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