I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize