they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
