dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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