i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
