I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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