My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
