yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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