Umm I'm too high to move.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ok first of all what the fuck
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
