he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
