I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
