there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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