Welp...herpes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
