It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
