the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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