a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
