So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
