Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
only you would photoshop your dick
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
