I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
