I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
