Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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