she was so not down for the gang bang
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
