I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
