He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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