im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
