All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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