i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
