Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
now i know why i became what i already was.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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