Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
