dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
