I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
