we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.