I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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