She is in my trunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up