I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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