My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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