Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
