Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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