belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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