Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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