im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
