Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
