thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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