if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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