omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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