the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
