Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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