I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
