i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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