You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
