i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
