The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
