Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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