I heard we made out
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
