I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
