I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
