I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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