Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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