she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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