New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
