i may or may not be watching the land before time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My breasts were aching with rage.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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