I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
