you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
